If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
