This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
