We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
