so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
