If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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