White coat. Heels.
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
