Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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