I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
