Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
