I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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