And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
