Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
