i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So much rum. So many feels.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
