The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
