no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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