dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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