I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
