a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
