I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
and she was petting her beer can
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
