Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
