I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
