So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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