I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
