woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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