I'm jealous of your bromance
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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