Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
