Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
