In the future we'll all be gay
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
