As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
