seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
