Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
