i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
