Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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