found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
