Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
