she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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