i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize