Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
