he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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