Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
