yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Mom said you looked used
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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