i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I need moral support for this bender
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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