I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
