Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
