Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
