Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
