She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
