He disabled his match.com account in front of me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
