so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
