wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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