You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
