his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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