When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
