I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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