my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
