I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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