Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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