a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
