Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
