dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
