I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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